Why do we have to work? Existing is hard enough as it is. And my internet is terrible I LIVE IN THE WOODS.
…But if I could take
any of it back, it wouldn’t be the glittering hope
I stuck in the amber of your eyes, nor would
it be the sweet eager of our conversations.
No, it would be that last stony path to nothing,
when we both gave up without telling the other.
How silence arrived like a returned valentine
that morning we finally taught our phones not to ring.
You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.
“For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for you growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your heights and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor
into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
I love you with all my heart
I just opened up the leather bound journal Jonathan bought for me and read anew this passage that he wrote on the front page. He said that he wanted to write something deep in there as he knew my fondness for words, and that he very much so enjoyed this quote; it made him think of me.
This seems more like a farewell to me than anything else. A step out of the hoolah-hoop of love. I wonder if that’s what he meant by it, and I wonder if he knew that those would be some of the last few days that we would share together enjoying each other’s presence and relishing in our love.